Check Yourself

By Vance Larson

Check yourself, before you... well you know what I mean. If you can't check yourself, trust your partner or circle to do it for you. In a time when everyone wants to be an entrepreneur or influencer, somehow many have a hard time influencing their own life. Everyone wants to build, lead or teach, but few are willing to see what's broken, follow or be taught.

Relationships are a lost art. Just this morning I had a client who wanted to know if breaking up with his girlfriend could be done via text? Yes, you can break up through text. But here is another example of relationships skills being lost.

I have to wonder why so many are afraid to be open with their feelings? Sure, no one wants to be vulnerable. But how do we ever experience true passion, let alone love, without being open? Is it that we have yet to define ourselves? Do we not know who we are? If that's the case, how can we ever truly present our true light to anyone we meet? We are just presenting our thoughts at that particular time and space.

Self discovery opens doors that we never knew existed. To have a full understanding of the very matter that makes you, is a dance of expression. To know who you are and your worth, sends a beacon to those who are on the same frequency as you. I think that is why over the past decade my practice has been is geared toward relationships and personal development. I have watched way too many people {I'm guilty of it too, as a younger man} look for a relationship to solve their inner insecurities and hoping for validation.

I lecture about this all time. It's not what you get from the relationship, it's what you bring to the relationship. So many of my clients fail to look at their behaviors when their dating. It's always the other persons fault. There comes a time when we should check ourselves on our own BS. What I find interesting is that by far the couples that I see lasting, are the couples where one person initiates coaching to work on themselves first, rather than starting couples coaching. It's an affirmation that maybe they aren't bringing the best they have to the relationship. That before they accuse and point the finger, they want to be checked themselves. That is a true indicator of relationship survival.

Your partner and your inner circle are a reflection of you. Ask yourself these 3 things. Are they always in conflict? Do they take any responsibility themselves? Are they willing to put in the work to get it turned around? If the answer is no, they won't be able to check you. If your inner circle, or your partner is not working to become the best version of themselves, more than likely they will not have the skill-set to help you become the best version of yourself. That doesn't mean to cut them loose. It just means you will probably need outside help to make your corrections.

I say all that to say this. You're going to have some failed relationships. You're going to get hurt from time to time. The one investment that we should be fully invested in is ourselves. Be it self help measures, your partner, inner circle, coach or counselor, we need to check ourselves. Because if we don't. We are staring at a life with storms with interval periods of sun, only to return to the rain. And the only shelter to be found, is the foundation of your personal development. And you can't build it, until you check it.