Handy, the Unfortunate Traffic Cop

By Harrington A Lackey

Lieutenant Robert Handoff started working as a policeman who directed traffic thirty years ago. He became famous as one of the best-known traffic director somewhere in Georgia because he went out of his way to make drivers feel special and safe. He was known for waving his hands at drivers so much that he was known affectionately called "Happy Hands" or simply "Handy." But one day, Robert's luck changed. As he was leaving from being on duty at an intersection for a weekend of fishing, he spotted a little boy walking across the road who was about to get hit by a car, driven by some speeding maniac. Robert was close enough to get the child out of harm's way, but in the process, he got hit himself. He almost got run over, but somehow his left hand got underneath the car's tire and crushed it.

The pain was excruciating. Robert howled as people flocked to him. Several motorists stopped. A young woman dialed 911. As they anxiously waited for an ambulance, they tried to comfort Robert whose hand was bleeding profusely. The wait felt like an eternity for Robert. Within ten minutes, an ambulance roared to the scene. Paramedics shot the stretcher out of the ambulance's back and Robert was quickly, but carefully hoisted.

The emergency team tried to calm him down as one of them gave him a pain-numbing sedative. The other carefully wrapped his hand around in a gauze to ease the bleeding. As the ambulance roared to the closest hospital, Robert was already feeling the effects of the sedative. The paramedic team raced him into the ER, a doctor was already waiting at a table and hooked him up to all sorts of hospital equipment. Then, they rushed him into surgery.

The operation took a grueling three hours. After the operation, Robert was placed in ICU. When he woke, Dr. Fingers, the surgeon came to talk to him. "I have some unfortunate news," he said. "We were able to save all of your fingers, except one - the middle finger."

Robert laughed slightly and said, "I'll bet I'll become real popular with drivers." The doctor smiled. "I remember you. Aren't you 'Handy'?" "Yes. I always used both my hands to direct traffic and wave at people. "But I won't be doing my job anymore." He sighed. "If I go out there in traffic, I'll make a lot of drivers mad because I'd have to use my middle finger."

Once out of the hospital, "Handy" left the police force to become a greeter at the local Walmart where he only waved at people with his right hand.